Howdy friends and neighbors! This is a photo of me showing off my bruise after a roller derby bout, in which I was a ref. I can't remember how I got the bruise - in the photo I was trying to be funny - the actual athletes end up with bruises that could pass for abstract art.
Also I was wearing two collared shirts because it was cold. GUESS WHAT? It is going to be cold tomorrow. God bless Texas.
You may be asking "how did Stein do last week?" I went 12-4, which is not bad when you consider the 4 losses were ridiculous. Why are the Texans good all of a sudden? Why can't the Bengals beat a team that is much worse at football than them? Why is Josh McDaniels still a coach in the NFL? I forget the 4th, but you get the point - not my fault.
All of these questions will be answered eventually. Right now I'm 21-11 through two weeks of the season, which isn't good enough for me to spend my weekends in Shreveport throwing all my money on DraftKing parlays ... but the season is young.
On to Week 5!
Thursday Night
Chicago Bears (0-4) at Washington Commanders (2-2)
I went to Washington DC one time - in the summer of 2005. I had volunteered to work at the Boy Scout National Jamboree, which was held at Fort A.P. Hill, about an hour away from the Capitol.
Volunteers each paid $450 for the honor of working 14 hours a day for 14 days in a row, providing program for 40,000 scouts who attended. I was assigned to the Buckskin Games area, where we threw axes and shot black powder firearms. Since I didn't know how to do either of those things, my job was branding.
Not "branding" in the sense I had to tell people what we were all about, rather the branding that involved burning things into objects the scouts brought me. I had a propane Coleman stove, the green kind your dad might have in the garage, and 3-4 different brands. This is surely the least effective way to brand things.
We were graced with one day off during the Jamboree. My friend Dave and I made our way to the Capitol to do some sight-seeing. It was stupid hot and humid, there was bird shit all around the National Monument, but Abe Lincoln was pretty cool.
The thing I remember most about that trip was the evening - we wanted a beer and there were two places open in the town surrounding Fort A.P. Hill.
One was a bar that wanted a $10 cover to see whatever awful band they had playing inside, the other was Chuck-E-Cheese, which served Bud Light and Coors Light on tap.
Of course we went to Chuck-E-Cheese.
It was 10:30 at night, the only other customers at the time were a redneck couple with their 5 year old daughter. Given the way they were arguing I figured they were there for the same reason we were - Bud Light and Coors Light.
We grabbed some beers and I went directly to the skee ball machine. After a few rounds I beat the record and it spit out a bunch of tickets. When we finished our beers I gave my bushel of tickets to the 5 year old girl - it seemed to lift her spirits.
Bears win 31 - 24
Sunday Morning
Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2) at Buffalo Bills (3-1)
The Bills went from "oh shit this team just lost to the Aaron Rodger-less Jets!" to "They're back!" in a very short amount of time. I think the Jags have what it takes to make this an interesting game. I also think Ridley gets a couple TD's, just out of necessity.
Also this game is in London, where the Jags have resided since a week and a half ago. That's a long business trip. I bet when they get back to the states they lose 3 in a row.
Bills win 45 - 35
Houston Texans (2-2) at Atlanta Falcons (2-2)
CJ Stroud is doing a decent job. I picked up Tank Dell in my fantasy leagues, mostly because his name is "Tank" - that kicks ass.
Falcons win 27 - 17
Carolina Panthers (0-4) at Detroit Lions (3-1)
So here's the thing - the Panthers aren't playing for a draft spot - they traded all those picks away to Chicago. It is entirely possible the Bears end up with the first and second overall picks next season. It is also entirely probable that neither of those players work out, and they continue to be the Bears.
Lions win 42 - 10
Tennessee Titans (2-2) at Indianapolis Colts (2-2)
Ryan Tannehill is the most unlikely guy to still have a job in the NFL. I mean, he was an Aggie QB - when has that ever worked out? I'm glad he's still around though, his career is a perfect example of how opportunity/luck is equally important to skill in the NFL. Also, having people say nice things about you until the GM and owner think it is true.
Colts win 21 - 10
New York Giants (1-3) at Miami Dolphins (3-1)
There is no way the Giants even keep this game competitive, right? Last season, after losing to the Seahawks, they went on to beat the Texans.
Miami has a bit more firepower than the Texan's all-time squad in Madden.
Dolphins win 35 - 7
New Orlean Saints (2-2) at New England Patriots (1-3)
Billy Boy won't let the worst loss of his career be a headline for another week.
Patriots win 28 - 14
Baltimore Ravens (3-1) at Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2)
This game is usually one I look forward to, but the Steelers need to fire Matt Canada. I mean... his name is Canada. Go getcha a Grey Cup, buddy.
Pittsburgh wins 33 - 31
Sunday Afternoon
Philadelphia Eagles (4-0) at Los Angeles Rams (2-2)
Both Los Angeles teams won last week, and nobody cared. People will start caring when the Eagles get their secondary exposed for real.
I also publicly apologize for my Kyren Williams prediction last week - he scored twice in the first half. Not this week though, I bet he has under 10 fantasy points.
After making that prediction I will absolutely pick him up in a DFS lineup.
Rams win 32 - 28
Cincinnati Bengals (1-3) at Arizona Cardinals (1-3)
Joe Burrow is not okay. I haven't even seen him dress all fancy once this season. I'm sure it has happened, just nobody cares enough to make it popular on social media.
I don't buy this talk about football players giving up once they get paid, though. Football players give up when they get blown out by the Titans.
Bengals win 28 - 10
New York Jets (1-3) at Denver Broncos (1-3)
REVENGE GAME! After Sean Payton made his off-season comments about the state of the Denver Broncos in 2022, it appears his foot is placed squarely in his mouth. I think this game will be a lot of fun.
With Breece Hall off his pitch count, and Zach Wilson gaining the humility required to put his confidence at the right level, I'm going to have to pick the Jets.
Also because I want to see Sean Payton sad, since he didn't wait one more season for McCarthy to blow another playoff game and get fired.
Jets win 49 - 38
Kansas City Chiefs (3-1) at Minnesota Vikings (1-3)
Minneapolis is a fun town with decent public transportation. I recommend visiting in the Spring.
I bet Taylor Swift feels the same way. Sorry NFL camera people!
Chiefs win 33 - 27
Sunday Night
Dallas Cowboys (3-1) at San Francisco 49ers (4-0)
Remember the 90's? If you don't, or that is impossible because your brain hadn't developed long-term memory yet, do not worry! Chris Collinsworth remembers. I'm going to listen to this one on the radio.
I just looked at the roller derby website (www.txrd.com) and it appears the Cherry Bombs will play the Rhinestone Cowgirls for the Calvello Cup on October 21st! Go see it! These women are tougher than any NFL player, hit harder, and I promise you they want that championship more than anything.
I was always a Holy Roller's fan, but it doesn't take any math to figure out why.
Cowboys win 24 - 17
Monday Night
Green Bay Packers (2-2) at Las Vegas Raiders (1-3)
So this preview was a bit shorter than the others, and got published an hour later than I wanted it to. That's okay. I promise I called the Bears-Commanders game before it started. Have a great week!
Packers win 21 - 10
Rock and roll,
-Stein
Comentarios