It has been a bit since the last one, but rest assured I'm committed to finishing all the previews before tomorrow. Or maybe the 11th, since there's only one game before then. If I feel like it. Let's procrastinate tomorrow.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Latter he would do this to a delivery driver.
Players
Big Ben is gone, which means there is one less asshole in the NFL. He actively rooted against his replacement, Kenny Pickett, because he thinks he has a legacy worth remembering. Can-he-pickett did alright towards the end, despite not getting the start over Mitch Trubisky, probably because Mitch looks like a young Tony Romo. In the face, not the arm.
Catching the footballs will be George Pickens and Diontae Johnson. Unless they drop them, which was pretty common last season. Picken's fantasy stock has been rising for the past few weeks, but I won't be picking him up. I have taken Allen Robinson II in the last round of best ball though - mostly because he's one of the only players left who's name I recognize. This is not a strategy I recommend.
Najee Harris is a good running back, if he can stay healthy he is worth picking up in fantasy, which is to say he isn't worth picking up. Pat Freiermuth has a funny name - he will never be famous.
On defense we have TJ Watt, who has proven to be the superior Watt, even if they don't let him score touch downs like JJ did. The difference is the Steelers care about winning, and Houston does not (never has).
Cameron Heyward is also a badass. His dad is Craig "Iron Head" Heyward who used to play fullback for the Falcons, back when there were fullbacks and calling someone "Iron Head" didn't immediately make you think of concussions.
Coaches
Mike Tomlin is one of my favorite coaches of all time. I haven't looked this up, but I can say with certainty that he is the only head coach in history who hasn't had a losing season. He did take over Cowher's roster for that Super Bowl, and it is important to note that is his only Super Bowl.
Still, every season since they won the Super Bowl in 2008, fans have been calling for his firing...
Fans
...because this is the Picksberg Stillers (that's how they pronounce it) and a winning season - every season - isn't enough. This town has worked hard their entire lives! Everything here was built with sweat and blood. They were the TEAM OF THE LATE 70's!
Terry Bradshaw lives in Texas now, mostly because his brain hurts if it gets cold.
I understand the fans from the Picksberg area who are born into this culture. This team also represents one of the rare situations where I understand why there are fans literally everywhere. They have always played dirty and this can be fun to watch. Also winning is fun. They do that more times than they don't.
Baltimore Ravens
Do not fool yourself, this is the best player on the team. Draft him in the 6th round. I dare you.
Players
Lamar Jackson is certainly a talent, who I feared would face the RGIII career, until the massive amount of money he got promised this year. Granted, he is better than RGIII in almost every way. We are still, somehow, in a place where a quarterback who runs around good cannot gain the same respect as someone who can throw the ball into a pickle jar.
Lamar's ability to throw the ball has been limited to TE Mark Anderson and anyone hanging around with hands that work (uncommon). This year he has Zay Flowers, Odell Beckham Jr. - who is only famous for that one catch - and Rashod Bateman, who has tricked me into drafting him for the past three seasons. Will this help Lamar? I can't see how it doesn't.
J.K. Dobbins will absolutely get hurt, which is fine cause Gus Edwards is better at catching passes. Then we have Justice Hill - who has a name that should be backed by every right wing zealot - and after that we probably have Melvin Gordon. Gordon has become the hero of practice squads everywhere with his ring last year, I expect that is the only reason he is here.
On defense we have the Ravens - has that ever been a concern? It has not.
Coaches
John Harbaugh has been the coach literally forever. At least the last 15 seasons. Remember Brian Billick? Probably not.
15 years is a lot, especially when it has been 11 years since you were good. Since that Super Bowl XLVII win Harbaugh has been great at treading water, but that is it. No conference championships, not even making it to that game. Despite winning a lot. Good thing people in Baltimore doesn't give a shit unless they win....
Fans
...especially because living in this place must suck. If you asked me to point out Baltimore on a map, it would take me a while. Granted I was educated in Texas, where geography lessons are limited to locations you may have to defend incase we secede from the union, but still.... if Baltimore was important I'd know where it was.
Cleveland Browns
I kind of wanted him to be a Cowboy. Thank goodness that didn't happen. Oh the horrors I could imagine.
Players
Ya'll have a new jackass here now, and he is very new and different than your Progressive representative Baker. You must now put up with more Flow.
Deshaun Watson could be the answer to winning - if money made the man. We've seen plenty of times this is not the case.
There is also Nick Chubb and Amari Cooper. These are both fantasy darlings, IF you believe Watson can get them the ball. I don't think he can. I mean, Chubb will get the ball plenty cause he's the only RB now and a hand-off isn't hard. But Cooper could see a decline while his QB is targeted a little extra, maybe in the knees. Defensive lineman will love this opportunity.
David Njoku is a great TE, Jordan Akins is a serious sleeper. You can count on them when both are catching passes form Dorian Thompson-Robinson. I'm waiting too.
Coaches
Kevin Stefanski signed his contract in 2020, and let the Browns to their first playoff win since 1999. He also won "Coach of the Year" because he took the impossible team to an impossible level of success.
He accomplished this task from a hotel, because he had Covid, and has accomplished nothing since. The past two seasons have yet to yield a winning season, despite the rest of the division struggling (save the Bengals). This season he has all the weapons needed to be a contender, and nobody believes this is the case.
Even though his name is cool.
Fans
I know some Brown's fans, and I feel for them. Brown's fans have felt destroyed since Tim Couch, and unfortunately they haven't been given much to root for since. Johnny Football was a lot of fun, but after his documentary is is clear he was never the answer.
Neither is Deshaun - even it if he was - it is CLEAR he isn't wanted here. He knows this, the fans know this, and yet they must deal with this asshole for at least another season, probably more. This is what it is to be a fan of the Browns - put away your morals and understand you still must lose.
Cincinnati Bengals
Players
The Bengals were always one of the teams I largely ignored as a kid, mostly because they never did anything interesting. Also, I'm pretty sure I didn't know Cincinnati was in Ohio until I was in my mid-20's. I sure as hell needed to google Cincinnati several times before I was comfortable spelling it.
Joe Burrow changed that, and I'm happy he did. Now the state of Ohio can have decent football to ruin their evenings.
Joe Mixon isn't a good guy. If they had a solid tight end it would be easier for Joe Burrow to imagine he's Pat Mahomes.
Coaches
Zac Taylor heads off to this one bar every time they win an important game and gives the bar the game ball. You think he drinks there for free? Or has a minority stake? Or maybe he had an affair with the bar owner's daughter, and she had the kid, so he feels like boosting sales is the same as child support? Probably not, he probably just likes people cheering for him.
Did you know he's actually married to Mike Sherman's daughter? And his brother's name is "Press"? What kind of name is that? I clearly have more questions than answers.
Fans
I don't think I know any Bengal's fans, just Brown's fans who should definately have jumped ship about 20 years ago. At least Carson Palmer and Andy Dalton were quarterbacks (nicest thing I can say about them), Cleveland hasn't had one since Bernie Kosar.
If you are a Bengals fan and I know you, I'm sorry I forgot you were a Bengals fan. It was probably the least interesting thing about you.
Comments