Alright, so I started off with ambitions to preview the NFL season and that didn't happen, so I figured I could do weekly previews instead. If I feel like it. I feel like it this week. It won't be all about football, because even football isn't all about football.
If you're in a state where you can legally gamble on football and take my advice - I apologize in advance. I also accept tips.
Thursday Night
New York Giants (1-1) at San Francisco 49ers (2-0)
Dad says Daniel Jones looks like Norman Bates from the movie Psycho. I guess I see it, kinda. Danny Dimes definitely looks more confused most of the time.
Brandon Ayuik is out for this game, but they won't need him to win.
After all the hard work the NFL schedulers did to make Jeff Bezos happier about Thursday night games, this one is a dud. At least it is week 3. Nobody remembers week 3 anyway.
San Francisco wins 42 - 24
Sunday Morning
Indianapolis Cots (1-1) at Baltimore Ravens (2-0)
I went to Indianapolis once, rather, I drove through it. I had a much better time in southern Indiana. It reminded me of Texas with a few less trucks. I've never been to Baltimore - I don't have a good concept of where this city is. I could blame my Texas public education, but what good has that done anyone?
In my first Geography class we were supposed to get laptops (this was 1997, mind you, so that was really cool) but we never did. The class was actually billed as an AP LAPTOP class, and after a month and a half the teacher lost hope too. During one of my presentations she took a phone call (on a landline phone - that was all we had) so I spent about 5 minutes saying nonsense about Disney World. I had never been to Disney World. I got an A.
Baltimore wins 31 - 21
Tennessee Titans (1-1) at Cleveland Browns (1-1)
Did you know when the Titans (then Oilers) moved to Tennessee they had to play in Memphis for the first year? That's not very close to Nashville. It pissed off most of the people in Memphis because they had to deal with all the no-fun issues regarding a new NFL team, without the fun parts that come with actually getting one.
Memphis isn't really a football town at all. They're a town with a weird Bass Pro Shop and interesting folks on Beale Street. Todd Snider lived there for a bit.
Tennessee wins 17 - 10
Atlanta Falcons (2-0) at Detroit Lions (1-1)
Alright, so Week 1 Tyler Allgeier had more fantasy points that Bijan Robinson. But Bijan still had almost 20 points. They are both good at football, but Bijan will get a play on Sports Center every time he changes direction. That's fine with me, it looks cool as hell.
Detroit wins 38 - 33
New Orleans Saints (2-0) at Green Bay Packers (1-1)
Is Jordan Love good? Maybe. Is Derek Carr good? Less than maybe, but he pulls a 3-TD game out of his hat every now and again. I think this is one of those games. We gotta build that New Orleans hype after all. Gotta big market down there.
New Orleans wins 31 - 21
Houston Texans (0-2) at Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1)
Poor Houston. I'd like to say these fans deserve better, but they don't. You had the Oilers and couldn't hold on. And they were good sometimes!
With all the football love in Texas there should be at least 5 NFL teams, yet we couldn't even hold on to 50% of our teams in the 90's. Ya'll want to secede with only 1/16th of the NFL on our turf? Never going to happen.
Jags win 35 - 10
Denver Broncos (0-2) at Miami Dolphins (2-0)
I wish Denver was as cool as I've always imagined it, but send me to Colorado Springs any day.
Although I did think it was funny when Dallas Cowboys DE Randy Gregory spent 5 years in Dallas, only to get suspended almost every season for smoking pot (with the support of Jerry Jones the whole way). Then he had one good season and accepted the exact same contract Jerry offered... in Denver.
This was also the same season the NFL said smoking pot wasn't a big deal anymore. Strange.
Miami wins 45 - 38
Los Angeles Chargers (0-2) at Minnesota Vikings (0-2)
This week the Vikings affirmed my reluctance to draft Alexander Mattison in fantasy by trading for Cam Akers. I enjoyed that.
I also wish Kellen Moore would open this Chargers offense up, but I have a feeling the governor on the engine is named Staley. I bet he's gone by the end of the season.
Vikings win 27 - 25
New England Patriots (0-2) at New York Jets (1-1)
What a great rivalry we have here! The battle of the 2021 QB draft class. Zach Wilson was drafted #2 overall because he had great references from his mom's friends. Mac Jones was drafted right after Justin Fields and Trey Lance, which somehow makes Belichick more of a genius. Part of me hates when that happens, and part of me respects the greatest coach to ever live (even though he got caught cheating a bunch).
New England wins 13 - 6
Buffalo Bills (1-1) at Washington Commanders (2-0)
Josh Allen continues to get back on his horse after an awful Week 1 appearance. Even though Washington has a decent defense, I can see Allen and Diggs going over 30 points a piece in fantasy this week. That being said, the Washington Offense finally has a decent leader in Eric Bieniemy and I think they can keep up - but not for the win.
Bills win 49 - 38
Sunday Afternoon
Carolina Panthers (0-2) at Seattle Seahawks (1-1)
Bryce Young will be the number one pick that is debated for ... maybe another year or so. Then he will retire nicely to the Canadian Football League and get one of those fun fuzzy hats. This is his best-case scenario.
Seahawks win 24 - 10
Dallas Cowboys (2-0) at Arizona Cardinals (0-2)
Arizona is clearly tanking this season, even with their (sorta) newly signed QB Kyler Murray yet to play. I went to the same high school as Kyler - who is often talked about the best Texas High School football player of all time - but I always lived out of state when he played. I'm going to an Allen game at the beginning of October, I'll probably write something about that experience.
The NFL is a win-now league, so I guess the opportunity to get Caleb Williams is worth a season of out-right tanking. But what happens to Kyler? He plays baseball/E-sports in Vegas. Everyone wins.
Cowboys win 35-13
Chicago Bears (0-2) at Kansas City Chiefs (1-1)
If Kelce and Taylor are dating I hope they both make a lot of money from it. That's the most optimistic take I have.
Chiefs win 31 - 24
Monday Night
Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) at Las Vegas Raiders (1-1)
What a great rivalry! Most people are hating on this game because both teams, while each picking up a win so far this season, have somehow disappointed everyone since February. This is what this rivalry is all about - disappointment.
I'm going to watch the game anyhow in hopes that Tom Brady shows up on camera at some point. It feels so good to watch him not wear pads... for now.
Pittsburg wins 23-20
Monday Night
Philadelphia Eagles (2-0) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-0)
If Baker wins this game, does he get an Aflac commercial? Maybe where he's a pirate?
Eagles win 24 - 21
Los Angeles Rams (1-1) at Cincinnati Bengals (0-2)
Joe Burrow may not play in this game, which might make it competitive. I have not yet lost hope for the Bengals to be perfectly mediocre this year - just like most years of their existence.
Tie?
Rock and roll,
-Stein
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